Introduction Of A Truly Lost Soul

Well, Hello, everybody. I'd love to say how much I enjoy being with all of you, but in all honesty, I have no idea where I am! Then again, I've never been afraid to be hopelessly lost, to plunge into areas I don't know, comprehend, or are even supposed to be! I will therefore deploy my sense of humour defenses, honed by almost a half century of puns and 3 Stooges, almost 4 decades of military study, 3 decades of high energy sub-atomic physics, 25 years of programming computers, and a decade of trolling strange new places on the web. Whatever you want to know, ask. What I can answer, I will. And when too lost or confused to, I will merely shuck loose my very loose grip on reality, and fire some kind of humour or cleverness (never both at the same time) back at you! So hello, and I look forward to ... well ... whatever trouble I can get into!

And remember - a bird in the hand is safer than one overhead; and when the chips are down, the buffalo move on. (Oh, a wise guy, eh?)

See ya around!

155 years is a long time

Welcome to my er the forums!

hehe!

155 years is easy, beetle. Ya see, when your schizoid, ya got plenty of help. 'Course, it'd be more like 200 years+, but several of me are developing Alzheimer's. Then again, we can hide our own Easter eggs...

And thank you, Jenamie. Go ahead and call it YOUR forum. After all, behind every good man, there's a better woman kicking his lazy butt! (Gee, could ya tell I'm married?)

And at the risk of looking like a real idiot (not hard work for me), can anybody give me a vague idea of the "community"? Random souls united in lunacy IS an acceptable answer. And even in my medicated density, I believe I sense an "Air Force family air" here. (Boy, can't slip nothing past me, eh? ) Please forgive a lost wanderer, but this looked like too much fun to pass up, even if I don't belong within 100 miles of any of y'all. (I am a lowly civilian, I admit it.)

Thank you for having me... um ... well ... oh heck, just thanks!

Well it is my forum haha

I kinda made it and run it and keep up with it

Just because I'm the women to blame dose not mean I cant be good at it!

Yes there is a military air around here, but you dont have to be military to join. We are just all people who love web-comics

And were all mad here.

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Jenamie - Of course this board is good. You did it. If you'd trusted one of us ham-fisted neanderthals to do it, it'd be a complete disaster!

Don't worry guys, I'm not gonna go Alan Alda on you. It's just that I've seen a number of websites, and for some reason, the ladies seem to do them better. All that mothering instinct. (ducks from the wife's backswing)

Mad? You're all mad? Holy hydrophobia, Batman! Guess I'm safe here, then. Haven't had my shots in years, and yes, I did actually threaten to bite someone the other day! After all, I have become known as the neighborhood watchdog.

Got challenged by the local variant of a tough guy, convicted sex offender and perennial drunk who moved in next to me and started blocking our shared drive and letting is brats vanadalise other people's houses. Scared everybody in this little burg. Didn't bother me til he called the cops on me for stealing workman's comp. Two problems - the county sheriff doesn't enforce workman's comp, and my migraines aren't covered under workman's comp, so I don't get it. But that was the declaration of war. Less than three months later, I had his butt back in prison (two charges - unregistered sex offender and unpaid child support he'd bragged about), got his druggie wife/cousin booted out of the house they were NOT paying rent on (squatting - couldn't make the drug charges stick), and got his wife's one friend booted out by her husband (another drunk, who left her baby alone to go get drunk several times, to come back to the cops waiting for her with the baby who'd been found crawling around in the middle of our main drag). Nobody else in the place would challenge the guy. Me, I learned on the streets of Chicago - don't bring a gun to a knife fight, step back and bomb 'em into the stone age. Now I'm everybody's hero - a 4-eyed computer nerd with a bum hip who can't work due to chronic headaches. If they want to elect me hero and watchdog, WOOF!

And you thought I was going to be a boring addition to this forum......

I never judge a book by its cover

And I would not say I run this place well because of the mothering ability, I would say it was my love of being in the know of everything! hahaha

Tell me all your dirty secrets and I'll be happy as pie

Body guards are always welcome in my world cuz well I lack a filter from what I think to what I say tehehe

Bodyguard, that is. And I come with my own armoury, with real armour (chain mail) and swords. Perfect for when the zombie apocalypse comes along. And always good for a cutting remark.

(And anyone making a remark about the MAIL man, or a CHAIN letter, will be served au jus in teh restaurant my wife works in! )

I got the guns!!

...but their bolt-action or revolvers. On the plus side, two of the rifles come with bayonets that are 18" long. That's just the bayonet! Imagine that sucker on the end of a full wood stock rifle (Lee Enfield No.1 MkIII, for those in the know). 'Course, two of the swords outreach those rifle/bayonet combos - and swords never run out of ammo!

I have more pistols than anything. They are light, easy to carry, and hold alot of ammo. I already have a Zombie attack plan.

and thus I know where I'll be if an attack occurs

Dude, zombies love warm weather. And you got all of Texas to your South! Come up here, by me. We're in Amish country, so the population is small. Plus they have all those neat things that either don't use electricity, or work off car batteries. I got a big concrete-block basement with an outside AND inside entrance (including a room with only a single door into it), a wood furnace, and more kerosene lamps than you've ever seen. Plus the next-door house is highest ground, with its' own stone basement (with only an indoor entrance), we have a key to the church (and 3-story bell tower) across the street, we're on well water, and there's a stream that flows year-round (except when it freezes) just a couple hundred yards away. And there's an old, 3-floor brick schoolhouse not to far away, abandoned except for the convenience store (full of infinite-life food like Twinkies). Only one rarely-used rail line, and a guy across the street with a pick-up that can run the rails. No major roads, but plenty of crappy back-country gravel and barely-paved stuff, a used-car lot with at least 3 pickups and a Land Rover Discovery (I know the guy, and where he keeps the keys), and a dozen farms within an hour's drive with 500 gallon (or more) fuel tanks on the property. Oh, and the guy who does all the heavy earth-moving around here lives about 20 minutes away, with caterpillar-track equipment, the guy with the train-track-pickup has a full welding kit, and there's tons of steel scrap down by the tracks - plenty to armour-plate a couple dozers and some dump trucks. And I've got about a dozen WW2-era field phones, and an 8-line switchboard, plus the 24-volt pedal generator to power it, so we'll have commo. Add in some solar-power lights, and my plans (somewhere around here) for both ethanol AND methanol generating stills, and we'll have all the comforts of home! And it gets below freezing here for several weeks each winter, driving those nasty zombies out to warmer climes. So we're all set!

Um... not that I've thought about it that much. I, ah, I don't want you to think I'm some kinda survival nut or anything. Uh-oh, gotta go, think I hear them black helicopters comin' agin.

Dang, I was just planning on hitting up the base armory for machine guns and then the gun store for ammo. Then to hole up in a WalMart for food and other supplies

Oh skruball, man, ya gotta have a long term plan! There's 6 billion people out there. You think a little ocean's gonna stop 'em? Plus, you have to think of repopulating the species! And do you REALLY think a woman's going to accept a Wal-Mart as a home? Where would she shop? Where could she go to get away from you, me, and the rest of us REAL men that'll be left? Can you tell my wife is out walking the dog?

WAIT, WAIT, WHAT I MEANT WAS, A WAL-MART WOULDN'T BE A PROPER HOME FOR A WONDERFUL, STRONG WOMAN! SHE WOULD NEED A DECENT HOUSE WITH ALL THE TRIMMING AND.......

Whew, that one was close. Didn't see her walk in the door.

Where were we? Oh yeah - see, by defending the neighborhood, I also stay close to all my neat books, toys, cars (oh, sorry, I said toys already, didn't I?), and comfy furniture. Why sit in a cold, sterile Wal-Mart, surrounded by new, cheap crap? I can sit at home, surrounded by OLD cheap crap! Poverty sucks, but it does beat the alternative - the big dirtnap. And I gotta stay close to my meds. Trust me, some of the stuff I'm on, you don't want to be far away from.....

So, if the zombies hit, come to scenic Ohio! Where better to get away from it all, than somewhere where everyone has gotten away from?

*walks away slowly and calmly...*

As long as I've got enough of my drugs, I'm more than happy to share. And compared to the .... um ... sizable doses I need to take, a little would go a long way for the rest of you! Besides, like I said earlier, there's enough voices in my head to keep me in line. I only worry when all the voices start to agree........

As mentioned before, I keep a large hammer in my trunk. (I love it and need to give it a name)
Then there is the whole training and lifelong experimenting with explosives thing. (and I know where there are at least three storage sites, Mwah ha ha haaaa)
I only have two rifles, only one of which takes a bayonet, but the other has a scope.
That and the fact that I've trained my kids on how to kick zombies in the jimmies, we should be okay.
Besides, we are way up north here.
While I wouldn't want to live in a Wal-Mart, I do plan on raiding them at the start of the Zombie Apocalypse. After all, we need to rescue and protect all the Littlest Pet Shop and HotWheels.

And don't worry about the voices. I find that I can keep mine at bay with XM satellite radio.

Tell you what, WEKM. The folks down south can congregate here, then we can pack up our stuff and ride the rails to your northern redoubt. Sound like a plan? Besides, we need to get past my old home town. I know where there's a running M5 Stuart. M22 Locust (both have gasoline engines and can run alcohol with tuning), several American and German half-tracks, and a German/Czech Hetzer (tank destroyer/assault gun). There's also a B-25 nearby - it's a glass nose, but I know where there are enough M2s nearby to turn it into the 12-gun strafer. With all that, we could convoy just about anywhere we wanted!

One problem with the voices - I don't have XM. I use the satellite TV - Military Channel, History and History International usually keep 'em busy. And there's the complimentary movie channels - you should HEAR what they do with 2012. Ever hear of Mystery Science Theatre 3000? A guy and two robots watch old movies and rag on them all through it. They got NUTHIN' on the commentary I hear when I watch 2012. Greatest Comedy movie of all time! Please, the name of the aircraft carrier John F Kennedy written ON THE FLIGHT DECK?!? Since when are carriers floatin' billboards? What the heck is this, NASCAR?

Hmm... now there's an idea. Get sponsors to put stickers on all our military vehicles! This B-52 run brought to you by USA Network - the home of the biggest bombs on Earth! Hey, it could work! What a great idea......

It seems to have suddenly gotten quiet here. Did I say something to give offence? If I did, I apologise profusely!
My meds tend to STRONGLY interfere with my self-censorship, and I end up making stupid or offensive (or both) comments I shouldn't. If y'all feel our thread is fully run out, that's fine, I'm sure I can find some other topic to chat about. If I did cause offence, please PLEASE tell me! I'd rather be yelled at than given the silent treatment.

Either way, thanks to all of you for accepting me, and I look forward to hearing from you again. Take care!

people just get board of the same topic if you have something new to say start a new topic

we havent had to drop the hammer on that problem in a while

Cool! Glad I didn't make an ... er .... donkey outta myself. That's something I gotta watch - the drugs may kill the pain, but they make me babble. You think I'm bad online? I've actually been known, not just to babble in the real world, but to go out driving for 20 minutes with no recollection of doing so. Be glad you're on the other end of a wire (or satellite, in my case).....

See ya'll around!

Beetle wrote:

we havent had to drop the hammer on that problem in a while

GUILTY!